chasing shadows again











{February 2, 2008}   Fox!!! Where did you go???

Everywhere.

Nowhere.

I went on a vacation that was bliss and anguish, I came home with no idea what my future was to find out within the week that my grandmother was dying, my grandmother died, and I still have no idea where my life is going.

Some people do rollercoasters. I don’t always understand those people. I’ve tried, but willingly subjecting myself to falling when I already feel that way so often seems crazy. There are people who find this fun.

Anyway, I’m obsessing over memory, reading old cookbooks, downloading The L Word (specifically Season Two, Episode 1), and trying to figure out what home will be. I’ve been reading Urban Tribes by Ethan Watters. I’ve been trying to figure out what to make of my life. I’m impatient and terrified and absolutely exhilarated because even if my life is chaos I’m in love!

I’ve been having a long-running internal monologue and I haven’t been sure if I should open it up to people, or how to open it up to people, or well…anything. And then I read this post by Molly and before I lose my nerve I’m going to post this. I am going to try to open this up-but offering anything of myself up honestly and openly is hard for me. Especially when I’m not holding a direct conversation. Even more so when I’m not yet sure what I think, and don’t know how to fight to defend it.

All of the things I’m thinking would make for a huge post. Sooooooo…I’m gonna try to take this one in stages. Tomorrow is Sunday-I’ll try to reestablish Postsecret and coffee.

And talk.

I must re-learn how to let people under my skin.

I think it’s time.

P.S. – For the people who leave me hugs on the sidebar-THANK YOU! As strange as it may make me, that always makes me smile.



{January 2, 2008}   Happy New Year!

So…this is the first I’ve been back to a computer since the champagne and New Year’s kisses!  New Year’s this year was excellent – low drama, lots of fun, many drinks, and much love.

The East Coast most definitely feels like home.  I want to drive to New York, but I know there’s no time for that.  Still…coming here is like coming home.

When I return to the Land of Loud Birds I will write you more.



I am in the process of bleaching my hair. The bleach that I normally use is not findable here, so I got bleach from Pop Gothic. High maintenance bleach! First it wants me to mix it, fair enough. I did that before. Then it wants me to apply it – fair enough, to work on hair it should touch hair. Then it wants me to wrap my hair in plastic and blowdry until done! Um…hello…effort? I miss my ‘apply and leave on 90 minutes’ bleach. This states I may have to blowdry my hair for 60 minutes! So…this opening is a break from blow-drying. Which I shall now resume. Back when I get tired of holding a blow dryer again!

And done with that! The dryer blew my darling little plastic turban apart. I’ll let it cool (as ordered) then rinse and shampoo and apply toning conditioner. I definitely need to switch back to my old bleach (though the color this one turned my hair in more like 25 minutes is as promising as the 90 minute time of the other one. Seriously. My old response to hair dye was to do it and hang out with people.

Who wants to come to a hair dying party? We can has hair dyes and daiquiris and maybe even manicures! Most. Fun. Ever. We can even has pre-dying lingerie shopping! Lingerie…finger sandwiches…chocolate…daiquiris…hair dye…. Movies? We could always mock porn. It seems appropriate, somehow.

I can’t wait to move back to where I have the people for that. I miss doing things like that. Immensely.

Off to rinse!

My hair is, in fact, quite pale yellow. It has toner in it, which should be rinsed out soon. Like 10-15 minutes. Meanwhile, picture for you!

The Secret: I miss the people I meet in my dreams.

The Picture:

funny pictures
moar funny pictures

I will admit…my hair is almost white. It is impressive. But…I don’t need white, only pale enough blue dye is more noticable than a highlight. Still…impressive.



It is the return of the secrets!  Not that they have been gone, I have just not been able to have words as much lately.  This week, I note this card and it brings me right back to wondering about online dating services.  (Not trying them out, I have two absolutely amazing people I’m lucky enough to be dating.  No hurry to find more.)  But to wondering about them.  There is a part of me that wonders just how that could work – I have made some damned intense connections through the online world (my Ravyn is one, in fact), but so much of how I’d choose to date is…I dunno.  Being matched on however many levels of compatibility is great – but…I think I would prefer to find out from the very beginning?  I still don’t know quite what to think.

PostSecret now has a community where you can discuss secrets and connect with other people reading secrets, listen to (or record your own) secrets, and view information on upcoming PostSecret events/books/news.   I’ve added many e-mail and messenger contacts (it’s about my only accomplishment of the morning) and will try to talk to them.  As I was writing this, one of the people I added pinged me, and our discussion so far has been lovely, and I’m enjoying it greatly as I write this post.

I may come to chatter later, but for now I leave you with a hibiscus.  🙂  I love having a camera again!

Hibiscus



{October 25, 2007}   No More Hugs!!! :(

The hugs counter is dead!!! This is injustice!!!

Failing it’s resurrection, is anyone around who can (and is willing to) make a similar thing to share? I miss my hugs, and I would imagine others do too.

Any kind of sharable hug things would be welcomed, icons or little boxes with words and texts for signatures so that cute hugs can be left, whatever hugs things are sharable. I am no good at creating these things. But I will collect them for the sharings!



{October 22, 2007}   Monday Morning Madness!!!

Good morning to the cosmos!

This romp through the internet is for people who would like to follow me on my search for the decadent, the strange, and the unusual – this time with alcohol. I figure some playful and occasionally outrageous madness is good on a Monday morning (though most of this was typed by an insomniac fox late Sunday night).

Recipe for Rum-Soaked Veal Chops with Pineapple Salsa–while I am not a fan of veal (tortured baby cows make me sad), this recipe could be easily adapted to something else. As it’s grilled, some manner of steak would be appropriate, most likely.

Ambrosia Nectar Cigars–cigars with rum! Makes me think of the Baron.

For having the audacity to actually use the phrase “L.A.’s rum-soaked jungle cultureThe Wit of the Staircase gets a place here. The Wit of the Staircase comes “from the French phrase ‘esprit d’escalier,’ literally, it means ‘the wit of the staircase’, and usually refers to the perfect witty response you think up after the conversation or argument is ended.

Rum-Soaked on DeviantART

The description for this Caracas Cake at Bertrand’s Inc. is “chocolate genoise soaked in rum, chocolate truffle ganache, coffee mousse, marbled chocolate wrap, coffee glaze and marbled chocolate shavings.” Um…I want….

The Nibble reviews Dolcielo Brownies. Flavors include: Amureo (Apricots/Amaretto Disaronno), Bellasanti (Cherries/Cherry Heering liqueur), Celesola (Pineapple/Bacardi Gold), and Donamato (Plums/Kahlúa Especial). For more about what sound like brownies inspired by some manner of divinity (and their special holiday flavor) do visit The Nibble!

Holdsworth Chocolates offers quite the selection of alcohol infused truffles!

Recipe for Warm Chocolate Cake with Brandy-soaked Apricots and Caramel–Despite the decadent picture, it looks relatively easy to make. I may make some for local beggars or beggars that I go to visit.

Rum-Soaked Figs in Chestnut Honey from Jacksonville Mercantile.

Rum-Soaked Sultanas! What is a sultana? I have no clue! But you can buy them soaked in rum and dipped in chocolate, so I think I lean toward approval…. They don’t call it dipped in chocolate, but “chocolate enrobed.” I like that.



{September 27, 2007}   This meme spreads love!

So…this meme made it to me through my LJ (which I have largely abandoned). It is stolen from a Puppy.

Reply to this post, and I will list three things I love about you. Maybe more than three. Then repost to your own journal and spread the love. Be advised that if I don’t know you that well, they might be small things.

If people who I don’t know respond this…I suppose I will make something up. Gods help us if that happens. But it may be entertainment. I may be able to somehow work in a chinchilla.

Also I added a hug counter to the sidebar.  It is too big, however, I will forgive it.  I am sure there is a way to fix it, but I can live with the thing sticking out a little.  Give me hugs, set yourself up to get get hugs.  I like it.  It’s cute.



et cetera