chasing shadows again











{February 2, 2008}   Fox!!! Where did you go???

Everywhere.

Nowhere.

I went on a vacation that was bliss and anguish, I came home with no idea what my future was to find out within the week that my grandmother was dying, my grandmother died, and I still have no idea where my life is going.

Some people do rollercoasters. I don’t always understand those people. I’ve tried, but willingly subjecting myself to falling when I already feel that way so often seems crazy. There are people who find this fun.

Anyway, I’m obsessing over memory, reading old cookbooks, downloading The L Word (specifically Season Two, Episode 1), and trying to figure out what home will be. I’ve been reading Urban Tribes by Ethan Watters. I’ve been trying to figure out what to make of my life. I’m impatient and terrified and absolutely exhilarated because even if my life is chaos I’m in love!

I’ve been having a long-running internal monologue and I haven’t been sure if I should open it up to people, or how to open it up to people, or well…anything. And then I read this post by Molly and before I lose my nerve I’m going to post this. I am going to try to open this up-but offering anything of myself up honestly and openly is hard for me. Especially when I’m not holding a direct conversation. Even more so when I’m not yet sure what I think, and don’t know how to fight to defend it.

All of the things I’m thinking would make for a huge post. Sooooooo…I’m gonna try to take this one in stages. Tomorrow is Sunday-I’ll try to reestablish Postsecret and coffee.

And talk.

I must re-learn how to let people under my skin.

I think it’s time.

P.S. – For the people who leave me hugs on the sidebar-THANK YOU! As strange as it may make me, that always makes me smile.

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gautami says:

Life has its up and downs. We learn on the way how to cope with it. You will too.



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