chasing shadows again

As always, walking through the market makes me whole again. This market was the Hilo Farmers’ Market and was complimented by a stroll along the Bayfront shops. The first stop of real interest (defined as where I bought something) was the tobacco shop where I found cloves (Djarum Blacks) and while looking for those found something else from Djarum (do they make things I don’t like? Not that I’ve ever tasted!) Spice Islands Cigarillos (baby cigars!). I have never had a baby cigar (or even a grown up cigar) but Jason likes cigars and I hear generally good things. However, I would have to try to come up with a way to not look like a goof with a cigar grown up enough to have babies. These tiny cigars that smell like clove and vanilla and lust just might be my compromise.

After the tobacco shop (Where I got carded! People – I’m 26!) I proceeded to the the market by way of about four other shops. I saw some gorgeous coffee and tea sets (I am a home things addict and I want a nest! Now! My baby clock has confused itself with the countdown timer on a bomb!) which I passed only because I both had not enough money with me and had nowhere to keep them.

At the market, everyone wanted me to come see their things! If I keep walking, I’m not buying, and they have this habit of meeting my eyes. This is my undoing. I HAVE to acknowledge everyone who meets my eyes. I look. They look. I smile. They smile. I nod. They say hi. Now it’s escalated and I’ve already had to stop walking so I might as well look at their stuff. I deliberately carry under $40.00 to the market, because if I carried $4,000.00 I would still spend it all. I am in love with all things handmade, set in silver, made of Thai silk, or offered by a real human being and not a full on advertising campaign. I cry when tiny, locally owned stores are bulldozed for Walmarts.

This time at the market I got delicious soap in vanilla (Gentle Earth Vanilla) which is heavenly. I also got orchid soap, which smells amazing. If you need soaps….check these people out! The only way they could be better is if they also had chocolate soap. Which I will suggest next I see them. Yes – see! Because I met the person who makes the soap. She smiled at me. Clearly her soap would smile if it could! Fox, you say, this is no way to judge soap. To which I can only respond, this soap is fantastic, just like I knew it would be.

I also picked up a chocolate scented orchid. This is also like heaven.

There was a time I loved floral scents, but lately, this last year or so, it’s vanilla, chocolate, and spice. That’s what I want to smell like. That is what I want people to remember me when they smell. Smell is very linked to memory. Strawberries and champagne is not me. Please god, let people not associate me with freesia (which scent I wore for years as a teenager, actually). I want to be rum and death by chocolate mousse. Vanilla. I’ll take Grand Marnier.

Hello universe. I think that your fox has come home to you.


{July 27, 2007}   for a little more love…. - THE online kissing resource!

Because what the world needs in kisses in leopard print. Blue and purple leopard print. Uh-huh….

Love my ….

Cute things.  Complete as you like.

{July 27, 2007}   good morning cosmos!

Look! Lucien!


I’m still learning to paint colors into words.  Spinning stories from bits of colored light is harder now.  Also, my camera has decided to die, so I’ve fewer pictures for you, all taken on the last occasion I coaxed it into functioning. But I did want to give you a Lucien picture.


{July 26, 2007}   not dead

I have hundreds of things I wanted to tell you that have shattered fearfully when they leapt for the sky from my throat.  I have a kaleidoscope of brilliantly colored shards of thoughts and words and dreams and hope on my floor.  They cut me and they are beautiful and I have learned to sleep on the bookcase.  When I wake up the sun sparkles through them and paints the walls in shifting colored light.

When I learn to paint the colors into words again, I will speak.

{July 9, 2007}   message in a bottle

After having written a poem about a message in a bottle for Molli, I have found another post on WordPress about messages in bottles.  Sand in Circles is written by Max Adams (whose blog I have been devouring, she puts lovely pictures in every post and is well worth reading) as a guest post on udreamofjanie.

Now I look for messages from bottles.  I have found a few links of interest.  Which of course, I will share.

Note in a Bottle Makes a 30-Year Return Voyage

Message in a Bottle to Say Goodbye

Many Snippets on Messages in Bottles/And then commentary of a religious nature – all roads DO lead to Rome!

Not True!!!  I am heart-broken.  My Ravyn cannot toss a bottle into a river and expect I may find it.

And, if you need more amusement check out one of my favorites Found Magazine.  Not (often) found in bottles, but I very much enjoy it.

I think that’s all for now.  Except for one thing.

Max – I hear you.


{July 7, 2007}   Good Morning Cosmos

Watch this cute kitten video!

I am tired.  That is all.


Black-Raspberry Glaze from

  1. Drain 1 pt frozen black raspberries and reserve juice.  (Measure juice and add water if needed to make 1 cup).
  2. Thoroughly combine 1 tbsp sugar, 1 tbsp cornstarch, and 1 tbsp Grand Marnier (orange juice can be substituted for Grand Marnier).
  3. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly.  Boil 2 minutes.
  4. Combine 1/2 cup hot glaze with berries and spread over cheesecake (brownies will be substituted for cheesecake!) then slowly pour the remaining glaze over the fruit, forming a shiny glaze.
  • Glazes one cheesecake

Raspberry-Glazed Brownies from

  1.  Make brownies per directions on box.  (Duncan Hines Brownies Plus Milk Chocolate Chunks Mix is suggested.  I have never tried these.)
  2. Combine 1 square (1 oz) melted unsweetened chocolate, 2 tbsp softened butter, and 2 tbsp cornstarch.
  3. Stir in 1 cup confectioners’ sugar, 1 tbsp milk, and 1 tsp vanilla extract.
  4. Add 2 tbsp raspberry jam.  Mix well.
  5. Spread on top of cooled brownies.
  • covers 1 batch (24) brownies

Raspberry Glaze from Perfect Puree of Napa Valley:

  1. In a saucepan, combine 8 oz red raspberry puree, 1 tsp cornstarch, 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice, and 2 tsp sugar.
  2. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, until clear and slightly thickened.
  • makes 1 cup glaze

You!  You know who you are!  Any of these look good?

Don’t ask me to Read Your Holy Book

A note on circular reasoning and faith, followed by at moment 120 comments from various people. The point that faith is based on faith is well taken. As is the point that another passage in the book under question does not validate another point made in the same book.

If you could cite evidence and footnote your religion through from beginning to end, it wouldn’t be about faith. Love is not about proof, like faith, it is more about belief and an understanding and trust in something that is most definitely outside of our control. I would not give up religion or love, I find that faith in both make my world worth living in. It is a response to reading the article, but not a direct comment to the points made, so I’m making it here instead of there.

I’m not quite in the mood at moment to jump into that tangle of people and thought – but I very much like to watch the chaos unfolding. Chaos also makes my world worth living in. And hell. Chaos is like that.

I think I’ll make coffee.

Edit: I will add to the chaos this lovely post. I very much agree with this on a far more emotional level. It makes logical sense, but the questions very much resonate. I have not had a chance to explore the rest of the blog, but I greatly look forward to it.

If you drop by, enjoy the show. 😉


I am tagged by Ashish for TWO memes!!! This is the most excitement I’ve had in…okay, not in ages, but I’ll update about my life in another post!

The first meme is the dreaded 8 things meme!

  1. I actually like being tagged for memes – probably because it happens so rarely (and because I always got picked last for dodgeball).
  2. My favorite color depends on my mood – either dark purple or green like sunlight filtering through oak leaves. One reminds of my goddess and the other reminds me of life.
  3. I have been to Japan and not climbed Mt. Fuji – which I hear means I am destined to go back (until I climb the mountain). That is actually very good for me because the area near Fuji has a.) my favorite place to stay, b.) lavender ice ice cream, and c.) really good blueberry wine. Fuji is my favorite mountain in the world, and the thought that somehow it has imprinted this imperative to return on my soul makes me deliriously happy.
  4. I love rum. Notably Stroh 80 and Captain Morgan Private Stock.
  5. I really, really, really need to get a collar. I miss having one, I like the feel of them on my throat. There is a deranged part of me that wants a cat collar with a bell, just to drive everyone mad. However, more likely is something like this.
  6. I want a hedgehog. This is irrational and entirely because of Tamsin by Peter S. Beagle. He also wrote The Last Unicorn. Tamsin is better. I still shudder when I read it.
  7. I feel especially sexy in lingerie and heeled boots. This has become my traditional New Year’s Eve party outfit. This year I would also like to wear a top hat. I believe that this will be absolutely wonderful – but I have to get back to the East Coast AND lose 20 pounds. [Ravyn (I already know what you’ll say)-yes, I know that, but I’m talking about walking around in lingerie. If I fail to lose 20 pounds, I will simply have to wear a corset. And a top hat. Actually, I might like that outfit better….]
  8. I love pomegranates.

Meme #2 is this odd food meme!

The second meme tells me to list out my top 5 places to eat at my location. But first I have to link folks who tagged me with their location and add mine to that.

Ashish (Dead Man’s Alley, Imperial Crater, Mars) [Yes I’m an alien.. Hello! Only aliens get world conquering dreams, ok? {Am I turning Malaysian or what!}]

fox (Hawai’i) likes to eat in these places (among many, many others):

  1. Ken’s House of Pancakes [Hilo, HI] (because at least one place should be where I live now)
  2. Paper Moon Diner [Baltimore, MD] (their webpage makes me so very amused)
  3. Jaleo [Bethesda, MD was my favorite location] (love their sangria and well…everything-if you’ve never has Spanish tapas, you must try them)
  4. Pellegrino’s [New York, NY] (Amazing!!!)
  5. Amalfi [Rockville, MD] (great place for a date!)

I tag Jayna, freckledfaerie, Molli, blackflame, corielena, that Dryad girl who may or may not have a blog, um…my Ravyn just got tagged…ah…I so need more friends that will tolerate me tagging them. Taking volunteers!


et cetera