chasing shadows again











{May 25, 2007}   For my mother – who deserves a poem as well….

What can I say now
To the woman who understands as I do
That the past must be absolute
I cannot undo what has been done
Years have passed
Wounds that once bled have closed
Even if the scars remain
They remind us who we are
This is for you
I hope it is a kinder reminder than a scar
This is for you
With all of my love

You are my mother
The woman who inflicted me on the world
While people missed their football game
There are times I wonder if you are sorry
If you ever were
This is for you
Whatever the answer maybe
This is for you
With all of my love

You are my mother
The woman who taught me my first words
And hiked with me on your back through the woods
While I was too young to remember
This is for you
So that you know I cherish those things now
This is for you
With all of my love

My father taught me to love the everchanging ocean and that bears are beautiful – he gave me the sense of beauty in finding peace in things that could roll me under and rip me apart.
You taught me not to walk out too deep, to balance my checkbook, to always keep sight of the shore – I realize now that gift was no less.
This is for you
So that you know I am grateful for that
This is for you
With all of my love

You are my mother
The woman who was never afraid
The woman who could do everything
The woman who for years couldn’t tell me that you were proud of me
That knowledge I stole
Secondhand from my father like smoke from his cigarettes
This is for you
So you know that I heard
This is for you
With all of my love

You are my mother
The tiny woman who pushed cars
Who could get Brian’s truck out of the snow
And insisted I learn to check my own oil and change a tire
These were not so womanly as teaching me about painting my nails and doing my hair
But they were the gifts you had to give
This is for you
So that you know I still remember
This is for you
With all of my love

You are my mother
The woman who I swore I would never be
The reason I always wanted to run away from home
Now when I think about leaving
I know there will be this empty place where there was once sound
But you will not be far
You are always with me – your blood in my veins and nothing can take that away
This is for you
So that you know I am proud to be something born of you
This is for you
With all of my love

You are my mother
And some of your faults came to me too
I cannot tell you these things
Just as you could not tell me
I can feel tears threatening as I write this for you
Both because it is at once bliss and anguish
And because I am afraid you will never see these words
But this is for you
Because I’ve always wanted to tell you
This is for you
With all of my love

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Molli says:

This poem reads like waves coming into shore – bringing something new upon its crest each time – and like waves washing the sand away – revealing the things usually left buried.

Heartbreaking, beautiful and honest, fox. I’m sure your mum would cherish this and be so incredibly proud of raising a daughter with the perceptiveness and bravery to have written it.



I’m on a naval vessel in the Pacific Ocean, in a room full of other military men, and it was a real challenge not to shed tears in front of them.



fox says:

Thank you!

She did like it. Remarkably. It is almost always printed in purple (her favorite color).

Sorry it took ages to get it up following your request. 🙂



fox says:

Square Traveler: Thank you. My best wishes for a safe trip to you.



I dont think I have ever read anything quite so superb about their mother. I am really impressed. Being my first time at this page I probably don’t know what to espect quite yet, but if you always write this way I will be really happy to visit often. I will add you as a link right now and thanks for the add. I hope you have a wonderful day and I like your background-seen it a lot but it never gets old. 🙂



fox says:

Thank you very much! Poems about family are a huge part of my poetry, probably because I tend to write poems about the things I don’t express as much with speech.

The background is officially why I decided to use WordPress! I was poking around, saw it, and instantly fell in love. I am pleased such a whimsical choice led to so many very positive things, and continues to do so.

Expect…about everything. I post poems, ramble, and most Sundays pick out a postcard at Postsecret to to babble about. There is much posting about my garden (though more so when we get rain).



Sara says:

This one is extrodinary. Raw and intimate. A brutal honesty. I like it.



lissa says:

What an lovely ode. Your words sound so honest and real.



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