chasing shadows again

{May 13, 2007}   French Coffee! With cinnamon and nutmeg!

This Sunday the secrets at Postsecret center on mothers.  Unsurprising.  I wasn’t sure at first I liked that idea (I am infamously unfond of holiday themes) but after the initial ‘why must everyone make an issue out of the commercialized excuse to buy cards, flowers, and gifts for mom’ thought, I loved this weeks secrets.

I have a had a…shall we say tumultuous relationship with my mother.  At least I can say we’ve never been indifferent to each other.  Healthy my family might not be, but we fail to be indifferent (and uncomplicated).  One of my poems that has always gotten the best response is my poem for my mother (initially and almost always printed in purple, her favorite color) – praise which often ends with ‘I wish I could meet her.’

Secrets kept and revealed and and gently obscured is still our relationship.  We are most at ease talking about how to trim the hibiscus, asking after the progress of the lavender.  I still haven’t told my mother I’m bisexual, though I suspect she knows.  She met my first girlfriend and really liked her, even still asks about her.  I’m hoping that my new girlfriend (new as of a year ago in July, anyway) will have a chance to visit the island and meet her, though I really don’t see them getting along.  There is a card about keeping that secret, but it doesn’t fit my mother and I, for all it touches me.

The one that I will share this time is this one.  Lately I have been intensely aware that I want to have a child.  Like, yesterday.  And while I understand that my biological clock is holding me hostage and I don’t actually need to conceive right now, I was hoping to have a baby by 30, which is actually not looking terribly likely right now (I’ve only got a little better than three years).

At any rate, that is the rambling for this Sunday.  (At least on this topic.  There may be more new posts today, I’m in process with a few.)  My best wishes to you all.  Ciao.


Molli says:

I can NOT believe no one has responded to this, begging for you to post the poem about your mum you’ve mentioned! With that said, please allow me to beg? 🙂

(Though I’ve ‘known’ you only a matter of minutes thus far, I think you’ll make a beautiful mother! Anyone who can be in this world so completely, see so deeply and appreciate and cherish every little detail so fully as you, can not help but be an amazing mother!)

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